Do you find it difficult to say “no,” even when you’re stretched thin?
Do you often apologise, even when something isn’t your fault?
Do you feel guilty when you prioritise your own needs or desires?
A desire to people-please often disguises itself as kindness, helpfulness, or simply being a “team player,” but underneath, it can hold you back from living authentically and stepping into your power.
It involves continually trying to make others happy, even at your own expense. It stems from low self-worth and the need for approval.
Getting to the Source
People pleasing tendencies often take root in childhood. You may have learned early in life that being agreeable kept the peace, earned approval and love, or avoided conflict. In many ways, it may have felt like the safest or most effective way to navigate relationships. But as you grow, it can turn into a limitation.
When we make everyone else’s happiness our responsibility, we slowly lose sight of our own. Over time, it accumulates, leaving you feeling stretched thin, undervalued, or even resentful.
Understanding the Harm
People pleasing is a cycle. You become temporarily satisfied by making someone else happy, but it is just one phase of an endless loop. Like a drink of cold water on a hot day, it will sate you for a moment, but the thirst will return.
While saying “yes” might bring short-term peace or praise, it can come at a significant cost. You risk overcommitting, burning out, and diluting your own goals and values. It can also create relationships built on imbalance – where others come to expect your constant sacrifice without giving in return.
People pleasing behaviour espouses your power to others and takes it out of your control. Seeking the validation and approval of others is like saying, “I need someone else’s permission to do what I want to do.”
If I can’t get love from others, where will my love come from?
Self-mastery is about aligning with your highest self, not conforming to someone else’s version of “enough.” It is a journey that takes time and requires courage.
Love thyself, to thine self be true.
You must learn to find love and validation in yourself. When you learn to draw love from the deep well within you, you become limitless. You break the chains of attachment and become free from the judgements of others. You no longer need to rely on others to fill the gaps. Instead, you step into your power, grounded in the knowledge that you are already enough.
When you honour your own needs, you show up more fully in your relationships and contribute to the world from a place of strength rather than sacrifice.
What would your life look like if you no longer sought permission to prioritise yourself?
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You can learn more about the curse of people pleasing and how to strengthen your skills of detachment in Chapter 2 of my book Stone Heart Light Heart: The Intelligence of Self Mastery. You can currently get your copy of the book for 30% off. Offer ends 06/12/2024
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